As my mother refused transfer to the hospital, she whispered “If you can stay, I think I can do this.”
“Do what?”
“Die.”
I nodded, and we called in Hospice to provide comfort for her congestive heart failure. At 91, she was ready, but she needed someone to protect her space and give her time. As she said good-bye to friends and family, she often sighed afterward, “I hope this won’t take too long.”
“It won’t. I think you’re giving birth to your spirit. You’ve given birth before. You know what it’s like. Let’s just breathe together.” And in five days, she was gone.
My mother had often used drink to obscure reality. She preferred want over need. But at the end of her life she faced the reality of her failing body with courage and grace. I am trying to do that now, without wishful thinking or addictive distraction. It’s the core of my spiritual journey.
The gospel reading for Palm Sunday* hinges on Jesus’ need for an unridden colt. Scholars say that it was to fulfill the prophecy that their king would come riding on a colt (Isa 62:11, Zechariah 9:9). Others point to it as a code to unleash a peaceful protest against the Roman troops which would have been entering Jerusalem to guard against protests during Passover. I wonder if Jesus simply needed support for the terrible events ahead.
As we enter Holy Week, watch for the ways that we seek escape, deny reality, and cover our fears with a gloss of wishful thinking. Notice the ways in which Jesus calls his disciples to know themselves more honestly, and be aware of what brings you to the point of truth and action. What do you need? Who might be your companion?
—Marjory Bankson, Editor of InwardOutward.org
