Unprepared

I like to be prepared. I jot down notes before medical appointments and work meetings so I don’t forget important points. Each weekend I sit down and plan my meals for the coming week so I can grocery shop for everything I need to have on hand. I have a spreadsheet of items to pack for different kinds of trips: a weekend away with girlfriends, time at the beach with family, a vacation overseas.

Being prepared and taking care of myself is great. I know what to expect. I succeed. I get what I want — for a while, anyway. Because life never stays predictable: health fails, heartbreaks happen, money gets tight. The self-reliance I so carefully cultivate in “normal” times rarely withstands life’s surprises. It is then that I’m reminded how lucky I am to have my people — the ones who call, who sit quietly until my tears run out, who show up at my door with a pint of Haagen-Dazs or chicken soup, depending on the circumstances.

As I think about this, I realize by journeying empty-handed, it’s the disciples who are learning to be prepared, because these moments of need come to us all. The disciples, on this journey, will practice how to ask for and accept support gracefully, over and over, until maybe it feels less awkward to stand in front of someone and say: Here I am, I need help.