Who am I now? Without a job title or paycheck? It’s a question that many retirees wrestle with, and one forced on many younger people by the current pandemic. Tragically, it’s a question that often leads to heart attacks and alcoholism, to mental health distress and despair. The lead article in today’s paper predicts a second wave of mental health issues which will follow when the first wave of medical emergencies begins to subside.
In the gospel reading for this week, Jesus states emphatically, “I am the way, the truth and the life.”* It’s part of a series of “I am” statements found only in the Gospel of John: I am the bread of life, …light of the world, …gate of the sheepfold, …good shepherd, …true vine, and finally, …the resurrection. What a rich and descriptive picture these are when read as a whole.
Unfortunately, some Christians have used Jesus’ statement to say that belief in Jesus is the only way to know God, but when I consider all nine of these “I am” images, I feel wonder, mystery and hope: Bread, such basic sustenance; Light, a sign of warmth and community; Gate, a liminal space for entry and exit; Good Shepherd, protection and nourishment; Vine, the promise of joy and celebration; Resurrection, energy of new birth and new forms. If Jesus is “the Way, the Truth and the Life,” then we may experience him in all those other forms too. Indeed, he seems to be saying that there are many different forms of experiencing God with us, here and now, on this earth. These “I ams” are not about belief, they are the core of aliveness.
Many years ago, I struggled to answer a retreat exercise which asked us to list “I am …” 20 times on a piece of paper, and then, in 20 minutes, to fill in our answers without using a role or job title. It was hard to think beyond “I am a teacher, counselor, wife, daughter, potter, President of Faith@Work” –none of which answered the question. Could I use adjectives? “I am sad, mad, glad, fearful, loving, etc.” They also seemed to sidestep the question.
In desperation, I wrote, “I am bread for ….” Then I wrote, “I am the backbone of…,” and I could feel my energy begin to rise. My own identification with work roles began to dissolve, and I could actually feel my own aliveness wake up, as though some part of me had been asleep for a long time. “I am the way…” Jesus said, and somehow a path to new life began to open. It could be our way forward.
–Marjory Zoet Bankson, InwardOutward Editor
You might try this exercise for yourself and see what happens.
