I wasn’t planning on having my lunch ruined when I showed up. I sure wasn’t prepared to hear a hard truth, even one that came from a voice that I trusted, loved, and admired. Mike Little invited me to lunch after I preached a few times at Bread of Life Church. He greeted me with sweet accolades about my gifts. Blessed and beaming, I thanked him. And in this good place of openness and desire, I asked if he could help me find other opportunities to teach. He said he could do that, but had another idea in mind.
In a kind, soft way he asked, “to whom are you surrendering?” My heart dropped like it does when you‘re falling. Defended in my response, I could feel the vulnerability coiling up in my throat. My words didn’t tell the truth, but my heart knew better. He explained why he asked. He knew that I mostly flew solo, and that commitment was not a strong suit. Having deposited enough emotional currency into my bank account over the years, he made this small withdrawal. And as sincerely as I’d ever felt him, he asked, “we would love for you to join Bread of Life Church”.
The teacher knew full well that that man was a good man. An earnest man, following all the right rules. Right after he asked Jesus how to receive eternal life, Jesus looked straight through him, and then loved him.* Not because he asked that, but because he knew what he was clutching with both hands… a hidden vulnerability. I feel that man’s pain. “Go and sell all you have, and give it to the poor”, said the young rabbi. The good man walked away with a heavy heart. Surrendering is so hard.
My heavy heart and I walked away from that lunch, the knot still in my throat, and a decision to ponder. In this retelling, a childhood memory swam to my surface: All thirty pounds of me was on top of the high dive, frozen. “Jump!” Yelled my mom from the other side of pool. It was me who wanted to do it in the first place. My dad, wearing a devilish grin, snuck towards the ladder as if to hasten the process. A moment of panic. A decision made. I surrendered into gravity’s arms, and to my mother’s chagrin, never stopped jumping. The gift was in the leap.
Mike was simply reminding me of what I knew deep within my good heart.
*Mark 10:17-31 (MSG)
–Jim Marsh, Jr. , Bread of Life Church
