“How many times do I need to forgive my brother or sister?” That’s the question which prompts the parable of the unmerciful servant.*
Peter, like me, would like a limit on forgiveness, perhaps somewhere around the number of items you can take through the grocery store express line.
Well, Jesus does throw out numbers in this parable, but not in the way I’d expected. While parables aren’t allegories, it’s hard not to see my own “debts” in those that the gracious king forgives, and ten thousand is a pretty bad number. It’s worse when I learn that this amounts to seven billion– yes, billion with a b– in today’s dollars. By comparison, his fellow laborer owes a hundred denarii, or about twelve thousand dollars.
When I reread the parable with those amounts, something in me balked: Is Jesus saying I’m 583,000 times worse than my neighbor?!
But I’m not sure that was Jesus’ point. It takes a lot of bad decisions to amass a billion dollar debt – years, maybe decades, of bad decisions. The debt is not just my nasty attitude this week, but every nasty attitude I’ve ever had. And every time I’ve cut someone off in traffic, every eye roll, every unkind word, every selfish grab, every lie: I begin to understand how the cumulative cost can be so exorbitant. And that is the perspective I ought to have in mind when I need to forgive.
So often we do the exact opposite, focusing not on our cumulative debts but on those of the brother or sister with whom we have a conflict. We claim not just the current wound but recall every previous injury we can. It’s not just that he was late today; he was late last time and that other time three months ago. It’s not just that she interrupted while I was speaking – she’s always pushing in and can never let anyone else get a word in edgewise. Like the servant, we count off the twelve thousand sins of our debtors to justify our rage.
It should be no surprise when relationships break down under this kind of accounting. The next time I am tempted to recite the litany of wrongs someone has committed against me, I hope I can remember the scale of mercy shown to me. I hope I can remember to focus on the actual debt at hand, and in seeing its true size, am more easily able to forgive.
–Erica Lloyd, Seekers Church
- Debt comes in many forms (time, attention, access etc.) Which affects you the most?
- How do you “borrow” from others? How do you offer forgiveness?
- In the past week, how have you received unexpected grace?
