Why do we need to separate in order to grow? Go away to discover new depths? When I left home for college, I was quite sure that I didn’t need church any more. Then, after a couple of challenging months and knowing I could not afford to go home for Christmas, I found myself at an early morning chapel service, hungry for a quiet space with kindred souls. The service was simple and short, about 20 minutes as I recall.
When the kindly pastor greeted me by name the next week, I nearly wept. Tears told me how lonely I was for something, but what? It wasn’t more activity or people. It wasn’t even inspiration or service. He remembered my name and so I belonged, just by being there. Then I began to realize that the quiet routine centered me for the day ahead. There was time and space for me to hold the various parts of my life with gratitude. Chapel became my first conscious spiritual practice.
Apparently, I needed to leave my home church and the familiar human squabbles that made it seem so petty in order to discover a deeper truth – that I was already connected to the web of life. That I didn’t have to do anything to earn it or justify it. That showing up was enough for the Spirit to work with.
In the lectionary reading for this week, Jesus says to his reluctant disciples, “It is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Advocate will not come to you….” (John 16:7) As long as he was with them, the disciples would always defer to Jesus as their teacher. They would remain dependent on his leadership and not feel empowered to claim their own authority.
Jesus knew their limits. He understood that they needed to live into the challenges ahead in order to mature, to step into leadership and risk. In many different ways, Jesus reassures them that they will not be left alone: “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you….” (John 16:12)
In my heart, I always change the Spirit’s pronoun to “she” and think of the rich scriptural references to Sophia as the spirit of wisdom. As I study the life and teachings of Jesus, Sophia is also present to guide, to teach, to advocate and reassure me when the way is not clear. Now I know that it took leaving home to find my way home in a new way.
Separating from those we love and admire is simply part of the process of growing up, of claiming call and doing the work of love wherever we are.
–Marjory Bankson
