Every time I read that Jesus asked his disciples what people were saying about him,* I wonder why he cares what other people are thinking. Why does Jesus want to know what the disciples are saying when he isn’t around? Is he so vain or insecure that what other people think about him matters?”
I guess I ask these questions because I’m not very good at ignoring what other people think. I always want to make a good impression, and am often afraid that people are criticizing me behind my back. So when I first encountered the notion of spiritual accountability in a discussion at church many years ago, I got very defensive. I didn’t want anyone talking about me, evaluating my behavior, having conversations about me that I couldn’t hear. Accountability sounded a lot like gossip, to my ears. Anything you have to say about me, I grumbled, say it to my face.
One of the older, wiser people in the group saw my distress and carefully explained that accountability is not about dragging people down, but rather about helping them to become who they are meant to be. I have never forgotten how her eyes radiated compassion as she said, “You know, you really could let us love you behind your back.” Eventually, I did come to believe that what people were saying about me when I wasn’t there could be a form of love.
And that brings me back to Jesus. I’m sure that Jesus already knew what people were saying about him. His question was less out of concern over gossip than about giving his disciples the opportunity to name their own experience. He loved them so much that he wanted to give them the chance to say to his face what they were already whispering behind his back.
As for me, I try not to worry about what others think of me. Instead, I keep practicing loving others when they aren’t looking. I believe that is what Jesus does, and what we are all called to do, for the healing of the world.
–Deborah Sokolove, Seekers Church
Questions:
- What do you hope that others are saying about you?
- What do you want to be able to say about yourself?
- Are you willing to let others love you behind your back?
