For Sunday, April 10 – John 21:1-19
Was it grief and restlessness that tugged them out to sea in the middle of the night? Were they retracing old patterns, trying to remember who they had been in order to know who they now are? “I am going fishing,” Peter says. “We’ll come, too.” Thus a small band of brothers seek the familiarity of water and nets and earlier rhythms. They end up catching nothing. Nothing seems to be all they have now.
Or is it? On the shore stands a stranger who calls to them playfully: “Children, you have no fish. Try casting the net on the right side.” Is he teasing them? They do what he says and can barely haul in the bounty. For Peter a memory comes flooding in of another fruitless fishing expedition, when Jesus says to try the other side of the boat and the nets break from the weight of the catch. “It is the Lord!” he cries, and for at least the second time he impetuously leaps into the water and races toward him.
When enormous loss is thrust upon us, and grief leaves us naked and unsure of where to go and who to be and with whom to continue the journey, we might find our footing again in memories. Not by hiding out there, but by remembering who we were before we became who we are can help us turn again to our first love. Peter grieves the loss of Jesus, but also the loss of his own integrity. What a crying shame to have denied knowing his dear friend! Will he be able to forgive himself? Using Peter’s childhood name, who he was long before his first commitment to follow, Jesus says, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Three times he asks, and three times Peter answers, increasingly sure, “Yes, Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”
Maybe it is Peter who needs to know. Jesus already forgives and lives. Now Peter must forgive himself, live himself. All of us face turning times. Will we forgive? Will we truly live? We can retreat into the fog of grief and regret, or we can lighten up and begin again. Only in remembering and moving on, are we freed to find and feed and follow the ever-evolving call.
