Since Jesus talks so much about loving one-another, why would he say that I must hate my mother and father, sister and brother, in order to be his disciple?* That question plagued me for years until I simply let it go, loving my parents AND pursuing discipleship in my own limited way.
In my academic phase, I understood Jesus’ admonition as descriptive of the situation that early followers of Jesus found themselves in at the time of Luke: they were often rejected by family and friends. Perhaps Luke’s writing was meant for them, but not for me.
Then Dietrich Bonhoeffer gave me another way to understand Jesus’ admonition. In Life Together, Bonhoeffer says that someone who enters community with a “wish dream” of how it ought to be will surely be disappointed, blaming others and calling the community a failure. Thus, to “hate” my family, my possessions, and even my life, is to release an idealized (and largely unconscious) image of security and belonging, and be ready for the truth of what is.
When we hear ourselves using words like “ought” or “should,” it’s a clue to some idealized picture lurking in the shadows of our judgment. The gift that Jesus offers to his disciples then and now is dis-illusionment. We must release the wish-dream of community and embrace the reality of who we are, shadow and light together. The inner work is to let go of our illusions about how it ought to be. In aging, this becomes a reality whether we like it or not. Jesus gives us a chance to practice, to develop our capacity for detachment and the richness of deep connection that he offers his disciples.
–Marjory Zoet Bankson, Seekers Church
- Where am I hanging onto an image of how life “ought” to be?
- When have I released an old expectation and discovered new life?
- How do I hear Jesus’ admonition now?
