Seeing Angels

Image: Ladder of Divine Ascent, 12^th century icon from Sinai

Over the years, I’ve known a lot of people who have yearned for mystical experiences. They seclude themselves in ashrams, fast for long periods of time, undertake extreme forms of meditation, or ingest various substances in an attempt to alter their consciousness. When I was younger, I, too, longed for such ecstatic moments, seeking out spiritual teachers, reading esoteric books, and searching for opportunities to be carried away, to be transformed, to see heaven opened* and know God intimately on my own timetable. Unfortunately, the more I went looking for the mystical, the more I was disappointed. Too often, ecstatic highs were followed not by transformation into a better form of myself, but by deep depression and self-loathing.

 

While many of people do find what they are looking for in their spiritual quests, what I eventually learned is that God is always present, only making special appearances when I haven’t been paying sufficient attention to notice. This is not unlike what I read in so many bible stories, where someone is doing something incredibly ordinary, when suddenly some angel is telling them not to be afraid. Moses was tending his father-in-law’s sheep when God spoke to him out of the fire. Mary was preparing to get married when Gabriel simply appeared and gave her astonishing news. And Jacob was running away from his brother when he dreamed of angels going up and down a ladder between heaven and earth. None of them were looking for a mystical moment – it just sort of happened while they were doing something else.

 

While am very grateful for the two or three mystical experiences that suddenly broke into my ordinary life, what I have learned is that knowing God is less about those special times and more about what I think of as “everyday spirituality.” These days, I am content to see God in whatever ordinary thing I am doing, whether it is washing dishes, going for a walk, or talking with a friend. I tend to my spiritual life by asking myself simple questions, like: Am I kind? Am I honest? Am I grateful in small things as well as big ones? Do I keep my promises? Do I do things for others as well as for myself? Do I forgive myself and others for all the faults and failures that come with being human? When I live in this simple way, I know beyond any doubt that God is present always and everywhere, not only when I see angels on ladders.