I thought it was a good idea to bring the painting of pregnant Mary to Dayspring. It was the beginning of the season of Advent, a time of spiritual gestation, and I had been invited to lead the silent retreat for Dayspring Church. This print hangs in my home. She’s great with child all year round. I’m always expecting when I see her.
Mary’s holding her belly with one hand underneath, and the other lifted close to her face, as if she’s making a vow or conferring a blessing. Her lips are closed… yet to open with the groans of labor. Her tired, caring eyes look resolutely forward. She stands barefoot, clothed in a burgundy garment, against an indigo sky, underneath a full eclipse of the sun, as if her light has overshadowed everything.
Retreatant Catalina Conneally-Salazar, unbeknownst to us in our shared silence, meditated on this painting. She saw, inside the round belly of Mary, a reflection of the flames from the fireplace on the far side of the lodge. She took a picture of it, and then waited… apropos for the season… to show us the following day when we would break the great silence, sharing all of our new secret stories. Moans of joy and wonderment drifted through the warm womb of the lodge as we beheld the magical mystery of that moment… the same fire burning in our bellies.
On a different, though no less pregnant, retreat during another season of waiting, a brave woman shared about her broken place as we were invited to explore our wounds. A ragged and haunting pain emerged for her… one that would not leave quickly. Like mother Mary, she said yes to what was coming through her… and began to cry, which became a groan, which lasted all night long. Silently, we listened, and when invited, touched her forehead, held her hand, blessed her pain, blessed the release. What an honor to witness her courage, and see her born onto the other side. We bore witness to what was coming through. A purifying fire burned in our bellies.
As I listened to the synchronized sound of her voice, this was told to me in the language of my heart: There is only one groan, one cry, one moan in all of creation. That One Sound, echoing through all things, is making love, giving birth, and dying. A splendidly fertile circle. The Trinity known by another name. We are all dancing to this Sound… whirling like Dervishes, chanting the Torah of our hearts, breaking the perfumed jars of our enchantment, casting nets of fine silk to catch the falling. It is into the great, inspiring unknown that we are called to move, flowing deeper out toward the dark edges of all things… filling it with hope. And in this divine dance, we are always being led by our Partner toward the light of a distant fire, the warmth calling us home.
You are the gift that was born today… and you are the mother of gifts. Embody this. Just like Mary.*
*Luke 2:6 (The Message)
“While they were there, the time came for her to give birth”.
–Jim Marsh, Jr., Bread of Life Church
